Searching
by Child of Night
Summary: Weeeell, this is my very first songfic. Generally, I abuse Relena as much as possible, but this is a very sappy non-bashing Relena ficcy. Don't ask me why I wrote this...it's beyond me. Anyway, Enjoy!


I think about 5-6 different people are going to kill me for this songfic. The reason? It's not Relena bashing. It's kind of sympathetic with her actually. I actually do believe the stalker has a good side to her, and this is just sort of to show it. Anyway, for all the legal mumbo jumbo, I don't own Gundam Wing or any of the characters mentioned. The song "Job" is written by Cindy Morgan and Loren Balman, and it is sung by Cindy Morgan. (It's pretty good, I happen to like it a lot)  
And so the madness begins....  
  
_ // Where were you  
When my night fell?  
Pieces shattered everywhere //  
  
_Crying. I was laying on my bed crying. Everything I had known had been broken. Everything I loved, everything....Except one boy.  
  
_ //If I'd have loved you with my whole heart  
Time will tell  
Time will tell //_  
  
Oh Heero. I think I've always loved you. I always searched for you, didn't I?   
Didn't I?   
  
Or maybe it wasn't you I was searching for. Maybe it was an answer to all my questions. Blindly I followed you, looking for all my answers. But you didn't hold them all.....  
  
_ // Were the stars moving   
across the ocean?  
Did the world turn away for just a glance? //  
_  
You never saw me for what I really was Heero. A lost little girl, crying out for help. A help I couldn't find.  
  
_ // And leave me here with these ashes  
I will weep and I will dance //  
  
_It was so hard for me Heero. I couldn't see what was going on. I was lost and confused, as always. And when everything came falling down on me, I couldn't cry. I had to show that I was strong. The world had to believe in someone, didn't they? I wanted to cry, my God, I did. But the strong never cry, you showed me that much, Heero. Instead, I smiled and reassured everyone that it would be all right. It was hard for me to comfort them when no one would ever comfort me.   
  
_ // All I have is yours  
All these ashes and these sores  
All that I am living for //  
  
_I want to blame you. OZ was never so bad, was it? But you, you and the other Gundams started the war. But deep inside, I know I could never blame you for what is not your fault. You fight so bravely, crusading for the colonies. You give me a hope I didn't know I had.  
  
_// I will follow you to shore //  
  
//Well, I hear your voice and it sounds angry  
I have questioned you  
time and again //  
  
_I search for you Heero, but all I ever seem to find are the leftovers of your presence. And when I do see you, only a slight glimpse, you're angry. I can see it in your eyes. I never knew that such beautiful eyes could be so harsh. I want to cry, but I must be strong, strong for the people.   
Strong for you.  
_   
// So I'll be here in the silence //   
  
_My world is crashing down again Heero. Why won't you come and save me? Why can't you come and rescue me like you have before? Why?! Oh, Heero, I'm crying. I shouldn't have yelled like that. I'm so sorry. I only wanted a little love, when I can only find pity from others. I don't ask for all that much, do I? Just a little love. That's all. The closest I've ever seen you come to love was just a brief flash. I watched your face once, when I had found you. I never saw it coming. Only one small glance, but it was the most emotion I had ever seen you show. You watched the retreating back of a boy, a boy, who like yourself, had become a man before he should have. And the deepest caring and regret showed upon your face. I couldn't bear all of that. It broke my heart that you couldn't show that kind of love to me. I just ran away from you, and watched silently, yet again, as my world shattered around me; stuck staring as the chunks of my life crumbled and fell.  
  
But you've given me more, and it is only now that I realize it. You've fought for this cause and you'd do it again, I think. You have been my candle in the darkness, you have given me hope. I will be strong like you, but I still cry at night. But I've promised meyself that I won't give up. Never.  
  
_ // 'Til I can walk, I will stand //_  
  
So in my parting, dear Heero, I leave you with this one message. I have always loved you. You have been my hope, my guiding star, and even my savior. Without you I would be dead, if not physically, then mentally. But you saved me. And I can never thank you for it. So tonight I cry these tears for you, for your sake. And I pray that God loves you as much as I do.  
  
_// All I have is yours  
all these ashes and these sores  
All that I'm living for  
I will follow you  
I will follow you  
  
I will follow you to shore //  
  
  
Fine'_


End file.
